The Top Five Regrets

A hospice worker named Bronnie Ware spent years caring for people in the final weeks of their lives. Along the way she began writing down the things they most often said they wished they had done differently. She eventually published her observations in a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

As a pastor, I have heard echoes of nearly every one of these regrets, sitting at bedsides over the years. Here is what she found people said most often:

I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
I wish I'd stayed in touch with my friends.
I wish I'd let myself be happier.

None of those regrets are about achievements missed or money never made. They are all, in one way or another, about the same thing — a life lived too cautiously, too guarded, too consumed by what others expected.

The Psalmist prayed, "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a wise heart." (Psalm 90:12) That is not a morbid request. It is an honest one. Most of us live as though we have unlimited time to get around to the things that matter most — the honest conversation, the reconnection with an old friend, the courage to live as ourselves rather than as someone else's expectation.

Friend of Dial Hope, whatever stage of life you find yourself in, I pray that God would lift any sorrow or self-judgment you may be carrying over your own past. Instead, may you learn what you can from it and trust God to lead you into a fuller future.

My friend Hunter Camp once wrote: "In most instances, life allows U-turns. In all instances, God allows U-turns. While we can never take back time that is lost, or erase moments of our past that we regret, we can amend our lives so the future looks less like the past and more like the life of our dreams."

Prayer: Loving God, we remember today that life is short and fragile. Grant us the courage to live not to please others, but to please you. May we express what is on our heart. Release us from any bitterness, guilt, resentment, or anger that only makes us sick. Help us make wise choices with our time. And set us free to fully enjoy this life, which is a gift. We pray in the name of the One who walks with us, even now. Amen.

‍