Up to Seven Times?

Peter asked Jesus, “…how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” And Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

The psychologist Robert Enright has done a lot of work on this topic – particularly working with children in Liberia. I found his writing about what forgiveness is and what forgiveness is not, to be helpful. He claims: 

Forgiveness is not condoning. It is not excusing the behavior. It is not saying what the other person did or said is okay.  

Forgiveness is not forgetting. In fact, sometimes it is really important to remember the offense so that we don’t allow ourselves to be back in a position where that person might hurt us again.  

Forgiveness is not the same as justice or consequences. Even if a person is forgiven, he or she still must face the consequences of their actions. 

Forgiveness is not necessarily reconciliation – though it could lead to that if both parties so desire.

However, forgiveness is letting go. It has to do with the state of our heart toward others. It is being able to let go of bitterness and resentment and ideas of revenge. It is not that we don’t have a right to feel resentment. We do. Forgiveness is a willingness to abandon one’s right to resentment.

What strikes me within that definition is that we do inherently have a right to be bitter or angry, and at least initially it may be important for us to feel those emotions. But eventually, we have to ask ourselves, “Is this something I want to continue carrying around inside me long term? Do I want this other person – or people – to live inside my head and heart in that way?

My Friend Herb Meza once wrote, “Maybe the great achievement of forgiveness is not so much that it absolves the one forgiven as that it cleanses the one who forgives.”

Are there people in your life that you need to forgive? May you begin the journey to healing and peace – and may you do it today. 

Let us pray: Holy God, help us to forgive others as we have been forgiven. And as we do, may we begin to sense your healing grace wash over us. We ask in Jesus’ name. Amen.