Abandoning Resentment

I was listening to a podcast on forgiveness on my drive home from work the other day. They interviewed the psychologist Robert Enright who had been working with children in Liberia. You may remember that that country had been wracked by civil war. He was talking about a Skype session he had with a young boy who asked him, “Should I forgive the person who killed my momma?” Then, a little girl asked, “I loved my sister so much… should I forgive that man who took her life?”

Enright said it just broke his heart. And yet he knew that if they didn’t… if they couldn’t… the bitterness and resentment would be carried not only for a lifetime – but possibly for generations to come. Hatred of this other group would be handed down to children, and grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

Enright went on to define forgiveness, at least in part, as a is a willingness to abandon one’s right to resentment.

What strikes me is that according to that definition, we do inherently have a right to be bitter or angry. And, at least initially it may be important for us to feel those emotions. But long-term, we have to ask ourselves, “Is this something I want to continue carrying around inside me long term? Do I want this other person – or people – to live on inside my head and heart in that way? Do I want what this other person did to control my life in any way shape or form?

Maybe you know what it’s like not to want to forgive – not wanting God to forgive. It’s human. The need for revenge is a powerful emotion.

And yet the truth is, when we carry it around with us – the person it really hurts the most is ourselves.

Let us pray: Loving God, we begin simply by lifting up to you those people who may have harmed us or cheated us, or betrayed us. Wash over us with your grace and help us to let go of any bitterness or resentment. Even though we may never be able to reconcile – or even to forget the offense, begin even now to cleanse our souls of hatred. And as you do, replace those emotions with an overwhelming sense of your peace. We ask in Jesus’ name. Amen.